Warning: Satire below! 👇

That guy over at Plumbline Faith keeps saying that church, as shown in the New Testament, is simple, participatory, and organic …

With ministry one to another for our mutual edification.

So what’s his problem???

Participatory?

I do that.

I sit and stand when the worship leader tells me to and sometimes even sing along, do the happy clap or raise my arms with my eyes closed when prompted;

I shake hands with the guy in the pew ahead of me when the associate pastor says to greet one another;

On occasion I say “amen” when the senior pastor asks us to say “amen” during his sermon;

I put money in the plate when it’s passed down my row by the ushers; and

I even bow my head when told to do so during the invitation for folks to raise their hands and receive Jesus.

So yes, I participate when I go to church, thank you very much!

Simple?

I do that also.

I find a spot in the church parking lot exactly five minutes before the service starts;

Passing through the foyer, I give a perfunctory reply to the perfunctory greeter’s perfunctory greeting;

I continue through the big lobby to the comfy pew where I always sit;

During the show I stand, clap, sing, raise my hands and bow my head, exactly as prompted from the stage;

I feel the “spirit” move me – right on cue – when the worship band hypes it up a notch;

I am inspired and nod my head – also right on cue – at all the right spots in the pastor’s sermon; and then

I get up to leave at 11:00 am – right on the dot – when it’s all over.

Seriously, what could be simpler???

Organic?

Yup, I do that too.

The new coffee bar in the church lobby uses only certified organic, GMO-free, fresh-roasted, hand-ground beans for their lattes.

And you can’t get more “organic” than that.

Yes, indeed, I love my simple, participatory, organic church!

P.S.

I did hear, however, that a new church down the street uses a fog machine with their band to create just the right amount of awe during the show – oops, I mean worship. I think I need to check that out, because I just might love church even more if they have a cool fog machine!

~ Jim Wright
   (feeling just a little mischievous)